September 12-13, 2012

The string of events that occurred one year ago seem to have occurred just yesterday.  And they seem to have occurred a lifetime ago.  One year ago, we were a childless couple waiting for our lives to change forever.  Today, we wouldn’t change a thing.  These are my memories of how it all happened.

The morning of September 12, 2012 was a crazy blur of packing last-minute items and making sure everything was ready to go before we left for our 2:55 p.m. flight out of New York.  Our pet sitter came to be with Lakota when we left so she was not panicked when we left with all the suitcases.  It was a good plan – Lakota was very relaxed when we were gone.

My parents joined us on the trip, and they met us at our house prior to leaving for the airport.  I could not believe how relaxed Gregg and I were the whole trip.  We took a direct flight with Cathay Pacific, from New York to Hong Kong, had a one hour layover, then straight to Manila.  I recommend this for anyone.  I also recommend their Economy Plus seating – it was well worth the extra money for the extra room it afforded.

Unbelievably relaxed waiting for takeoff from JFK.

Unfortunately, with a few hours left in the first leg of the trip, my mom was stung by a bee and she had an allergic reaction.  We talk about the irony of the situation to this day.  The Cathay Pacific staff was top notch, though, caring for her through the remainder of the flight, calling ahead to get her an appointment with the clinic at the Hong Kong airport, and getting her and my dad back on the flight right before takeoff.

One more very anxious hour on the plane from Hong Kong to Manila and we would land in the Philippines, the land of our son’s birth and first seven years of life.  It was the very early hours of the morning, September 14, 2012.

To be continued…

Probably the most appropriate sign in any airport ever.

Finally, Finally FINAL!

I seem to have taken a bit of an unintended blogging hiatus.  It’s been a busy, eventful summer.  I’ll get back to blogging soon.  In fact, I already have a few posts started in a notebook.  In the meantime, it’s time to announce the most exciting and wonderful news of the summer:

On August 23, 2013, Francis’ adoption was finalized in Bucks County Court.  Finally.  Eleven months after he came into our lives, we promised once again to love him forever.  This time, we told him, when we made these promises in front of the judge, he would be stuck with us forever.  No trading us in.  And this little boy, who fought so hard every step of the way the first few months in our home, was happy to hear it.  He has found the place he had wanted for so long, and we could not be happier. 

We had a celebration that day, for sure.  Lola and Lolo came to court with us, and we had lunch, dinner, and miniature golf together.  Well, Francis, Lola, Lolo, and Daddy did, anyway.  I had a bit of an unexpected trip to the urgent care center that added a little crimp in the day’s plans.  I was bitten by a fly on Thursday and had such a bad allergic reaction to it I was hardly able to walk.  It was fun to watch Francis having such a good time celebrating his special day, though!

We tell Francis we are family forever and there will be no more RSCC for him.  He asks us if we’re sure, and we always tell him we’re positive – always and forever.  I’m sure you can imagine the tears that flowed from our eyes last night as Francis, in a quiet little voice, prayed out loud:

“Lord, thank you for Mommy and Daddy.  I love them very much.  And thank you for letting me live here with them, in this house, forever and ever.  Amen.”

Never have there been three people more thankful to have each other.  Happy finalization day, Francis.  We love you more than you will EVER know!

 With the judge who finalized Francis' adoption.  After we took the picture, Francis turned, shook the judge's hand, and said, "Thank you!"  That's my boy!

The Training Wheels Are Off

Francis traded in his training wheels this weekend and under Mommy’s watchful guidance, learned to ride his bike on two wheels. 

But for Francis, who has been with us for just seven months now, it means so much more than just ditching the training wheels and learning to ride a bike by himself.  For Francis, this is a symbol of how far he has come in seven months with us, and the fact that this awesome little boy was able to learn to trust us – to trust me – and to learn to fly.

As I’ve said before, there was no “honeymoon period” with Francis.  We brought him home and hit the ground running.  He was afraid to have another mother figure in his life and he made that very clear to me with some unexpected and painful behavior.  He couldn’t tell me what he was afraid of, and all I could do was take an educated guess – and be there for him.  We found treatments that worked to calm his anxiety and he started working with a speech therapist.  Mommy and Daddy didn’t give up on him.  For the first time in his life, Mommy stayed with him.  His drawings started to change.  Family portraits went from having three sad faces to three happy faces.  For the first time, he was genuinely happy.  He took me by surprise one night when we were outside playing.  He had made friends with a family that came walking down the street, and he introduced himself formally for the first time using his new last name instead of his birth last name – something he had been opposed to even learning for almost six months.  I was floored.

Then, last Friday, as I was checking my e-mail, Francis was sitting at the table drawing on an old receipt.  He asked me how to spell “finally.”  I spelled it for him, and then went to see what he was up to.  This was the result…

My sweet boy finally found his family – my family is finally complete. 

So here’s where I see that Francis’ ditching the training wheels was so much more than just learning to ride a bike.  Francis was afraid of falling from the bike when he started, but he was still willing to trust me to hold that bike and then set him free.  He was willing to listen to me and believe me that I wouldn’t let him go until I was ready – me – the one person who, up until recently, carried the most risk.  (After all, mothers leave.  Mothers are not to be trusted.)  Yes, he fell, and he has some bumps and bruises like any little boy who just learned to ride a bike – but those bumps and bruises are so symbolic of the bumps and bruises we’ve earned in our journey to become a family.  But what joy when he jumped off his bike and came running to me – to me – and shouted, his arms wrapping me in a bear hug, “Mommy, I did it!  I did it!  I love you!” 

You did it.  You defeated fear with more strength than most adults I know possess, and now you have nothing to do but fly!

 "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Lao-tzu

One Year After The Referral - Six Months Home!

One year ago, finding time to write a blog post was no big deal.  Despite a fairly busy work schedule and time spent running a household, there was plenty of “me time” to indulge in blogging and other pursuits.  Not so much free time these days!

One year ago today, life changed with one phone call.  One year ago today, I found out I was going to be Francis’ mother, and life hasn’t been the same since.  Two days ago marked the six month that Francis has been home.  Honestly, we haven’t marked the day even once since he’s been with us.  (Though I know the one year anniversary will certainly be a celebration.)  Each day with Francis feels more and more like he’s always been here with us.  While I’ve yet to forget about the pain of that seemingly-endless wait, it’s hard to remember life without Francis.  Hasn’t he always been part of our lives? 

This morning, Gregg and I tried to tell Francis the story of the day one year ago today, when we found out he would be our son.  After a minute or two, he hopped off the bed and said “See ya later!” and went downstairs to play.  For right now, in Francis’ mind, his life started the day we came to get him from his RSCC.  Anything before that is, essentially, null and void – it just didn’t happen.  I’m sure one day he’ll want to hear about his history again, but for right now, we’re living and loving in the present, and every day is getting better thanks to lots of hard work and having the right team of people to work with us.  Our Francis is a trooper.  He is working so, so hard to form attachments and learn to trust and to love.  We see progress every day, and I am so proud of how far he has come in such a short time.  

One year later, this is the ongoing story of a little boy who really did want a mommy and a daddy and was willing to push past his fears and prior traumas to let them into his heart.  This is the story of a mommy and daddy who waited endlessly for the gift of a lifetime and found that love takes time and patience, but is a gift worth waiting for.  I can’t wait to see how this story continues to unfold – it has already been the most amazing chapter of my life. 

 

The first picture we ever saw of our boy.

Francis on the day of his Baptism, March 10, 2013.

Oh, how I love this boy!