Here we are at 20 months today. I admit, I wrote an entirely different post before and scrapped it because of how extremely depressing it was. I’m trying harder with this one, but unfortunately I’m not feeling the lift to write a happy post.
I know that I should be happy – thrilled, even? – that we are another month closer to our child. I was actually doing fairly well with keeping my eye on the prize. Twenty months now, four months to go until we hit two years, two years is normally the max mark. Now the rumblings are that wait times are going to be reaching 30 months. That’s 10 more months! That’s September! I am having a very difficult time coming to terms with this right now.
Aside from the interminable wait, Gregg and I are climbing some pretty steep mountains and the stress is really bringing us down in the dumps. Each day I try to get up and make the day better than the one before, but seem to be having little success. Honestly, at this point we could use just a little good news to get us through and keep us moving. Some days I feel like I’m constantly treading water, getting nowhere and just trying to avoid being pulled under.
So now I’ve done it again and written a bummer post, even though I didn’t want to. This one I’m going to hit publish on, though, because this is the way it is right now. We’re all entitled to good days and bad days, I guess, and well – this has been a very bad month. I’ve had much, much worse, but it sure ranks up there for “wanna go hide in the corner of my closet and cry” kind of month. But 20 months down. So how many more to go now???
You know me, I love honesty. Get it all out, we love reading and know how you're feeling. Know that you've got lots of supporters, wishing you'd get that phone call now (or months ago). I know our wait wasn't as long, but it was hard all the same. I'm sorry you guys are going through a rough time. Thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug!
ReplyDeleteWe are what we are at different times in our lives. Truly, God never said we had to be happy all the time! Otherwise, we wouldn't need so many encouraging scripture verses. :) These are the times to pour your heart out to people you trust and to God.
ReplyDeleteThere's no getting around these hard times. We've been there, too! Know you are not alone! God bless you! I will pray for you tonight.
Thinking of you and Gregg, Jen!!! I am always praying for you guys. Know that you have a lot of people lifting you up and hoping that better days will come soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your honest feelings!
ReplyDeleteIt is so nice to hear that we are not alone in what we are feeling. We too have been having a hard time processing the information that the wait will be longer than we originally anticipated. I can hardly believe that it could be another 10 months or more until we finally hold our Little One in our arms. I keep holding on to the fact that all of the moms who have passed by the road we are on right now all say that in the end the wait is worth it!
I hope that you find encouragement this month, knowing that you are not alone, and that there is a group of ladies who are praying for you!
Here's hoping that someone, somewhere gets their call soon...a little good news would help to lift all of our spirits!
Hugs to you, Jen. Tammy is right. I know it's hard to believe it now (trust me, I do), but once you have your child home with you, you'll completely forget all those months of waiting and all the days spent crying in your room. I don't suppose that's encouragng from someone whose children are home, but we had extremely discouraging experiences trying to adopt Becky (I've blogged about it), so I completely understand the disappointments that arise, and I also know that they are a very, very distant memory now. Almost as if it happened to someone else.
ReplyDeleteBut that probabaly doesn't make you feel any better. What I can say is that IT IS OK TO CRY and feel sad. Go ahead. Allow yourself to FEEL! Don't stifle your emotions, but don't let them over-take you either. Try to get involved in projects that will keep your mind busy. Take an exercise class; learn to meditate; buy some Tagalog language tapes; cook some Filipino food; start a lifebook; volunteer somewhere. Anything to keep your mind busy.
Much Love,
Wendy
HI Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteReading tis was like I had written it about me right now... I FEEL exactly the same. I know in my mind all the things I could/should be thinking to make me feel differently, but the two aren't sync-ing right now.
Wendy is right to try to stay busy, to be around people, but if you are like me, I can hardly motivte myself to do that. It's even hard to do the things I like to do. Nothing woooo's me right now. Nada.
So here is to the fall going by quickly, and that in winter latest to hope that ICAB have worked on matching those last files from 2008 so 2009 will also get moving quickly. And for God to grant us some joy in our hearts so that we can bear the wait some more.
Feel hugged, and understood.
Hello Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI just came across your website. We have been waiting just over 18 months. I can't imagine having to wait another year before we get the call. It's definitely a depressing thought. Reading other blogs always makes me feel better, I don't feel so alone.
~Leslie
Praying the calls will come soon!!