At this point in time, I’m the type of person who will see the phrase “Adopt a Highway” and much rather see “Sponsor a Highway.” But I realize, hey, the world hasn’t quite caught up yet. Today, though, I went to the bank to make a deposit, and as I was pulling out and having Lakota sit down (we always go through the drive through because she loves all the attention and cookies she gets!), I noticed this sign:
Help our kids this year! Adopt a child for the holidays!
Ummm…WHAT??? Sorry, I didn’t realize you could adopt a child just for the holiday season. What do you do with said child after the holiday season? Give them back?
Or are we talking about sponsoring a child during the holidays? Providing holiday meals and clothes and money and what not?
Or perhaps we’re talking about doing something like pulling a tag from a Giving Tree and fulfilling a wish for a child who might not have otherwise had a really nice present this year?
I think the bank should clarify what exactly is going on here, and I’m thinking about going back tomorrow to ask them to rephrase the sign to specify. But first I’d like some feedback from you, who will be reading this with much cooler heads than I have right now. So wherever you’re from, however long you’ve been a parent or waited to be a parent, please let me know what you think. Thanks!
Wow wow wow. I don't normally get upset about seeing the word adopt used in most places, but this one really bothers me. I do think you should go talk to the bank about the wording of their sign. I don't think people realize exactly what they're saying sometimes, it's good to point out the right way to say these things out I'm not always good at doing this. Let us know what you decide to say, and how it goes. I think it will give more people the courage to do this more often and help educate people.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything Rachel said.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteIf I were you I would not only approach the manager of the bank directly, but I would write a very tactfully worded letter to the organization that sponsored this program and let them know your feelings. Truly, people are just clueless.
In the past I have gotten our local zoo's "Adopt an Animal" program changed to "Sponsor an Animal" and my daughter's school's "Adopt a Family at Christmas" program changed to "Sponsor a Family." All it took was education. I don't know how many other letters the zoo got, but I do know that Becky's parochial school only heard from me, and they quickly and sincerely apologized and changed the program title. They truly had no idea the implications that program title would have on my then-7-year-old daughter and on her classmates' impressions about adoption.
If we don't advocate for our kids no one else will.
I say hire Wendy to write the letter for the bank!!!! She is a literary gem! :-)
ReplyDeleteIf it's me, first I'd find out what exactly is meant by the sign. Though we as adoptive (and pre-adoptive) parents often think of adoption as being only one thing, the definition of the word can also have other meanings. So, while it may not be our choice of words, it may actually be appropriate to what they mean. (That doesn't mean you can't/shouldn't encourage them to use different language.)
ReplyDeleteWhen we went through the study days to adopt our oldest, I came away believing it was my duty to police the speech of others when it came to adoption. A magazine I subscribed to at the time reinforced this idea. I tried to memorize all the things I was supposed to say when someone said the "wrong" thing. And frankly, I found it stressful.
When the day came that someone asked how much our adoption had cost, I immediately said, "Not nearly as much as he's worth!" This man's face sunk as he said, "Well, I know that. I was just wondering because my wife and I are thinking about it...." And after that, the conversation ended. I had assumed he was being nosy without really listening to him or asking him questions in return. It was several years ago and I still regret that answer. I still wouldn't give an exact figure, but I could have helped him out in some other way. What if I had discouraged him when he was reaching out?? I bring this up only to point out that not everyone who says something "wrong" means any hurt by it.
That movie last year called "Orphan," now that was something meant to hurt. That was something that needed to be called out. I guess I just urge you to be charitable about it rather than angry or defensive. Those are natural reactions...I've felt them, too! But I guess I've shifted my focus to dealing with specific things said to me about adoption or about my kids (and I have had to do this), rather than on a broader scope. Does that make sense? I also want to teach my boys to try to assume the best rather than the worst about the awkward/ignorant things people say, unless what's said is truly unkind or vicious. (And always to try to respond with charity, though it's not always easy. I'm still working through a horrible comment made to me by an in-law's relative that was stunning at the time!)
Sorry this has gotten so long. I hope something I've said has been helpful!