11 Wishes On 11/11/11

Since 11/11/11 is supposed to be a very lucky day and it is childhood tradition to “make a wish at 11:11,” I can think of nothing more I’d like to do today at 11:11 on 11/11/11 than make 11 wishes for you, little one.

1.    I wish you happiness and joy, right now, wherever you are.

2.    I wish that when the time comes, your heart is ready for a mommy and daddy.

3.    I wish for a happy and beautiful future for you.

4.    I wish that you can feel the love I am sending you all the way across the ocean.

5.    I wish that a day will never go by that you will question if you are loved or wanted.

6.    I wish that you know just how amazing and wonderful you really are.

7.    I wish you a life of open doors and endless possibilities.

8.    I wish you know that we will always be there for you.

9.    I wish for good health for you.

10. I wish for good relationships for you – with your family, your friends, with God.

11. I wish that you know that I wish you all of these things without ever having met you…because you have always been a part of my heart and you always will be.

I love you, little one, and I wish for these things for you not just today, but every day!

32

The months are not getting any easier despite prayers for patience and keeping myself extremely busy with work and a house that has recently decided to start picking fights with us.  No, the months are getting harder, and today in particular is a very hard day.  I’m looking at the calendar and it says 32 months.  Eight months past the original maximum.  One month under when the majority of the referrals are coming in these days.

I’m pissed off because I am currently dangling by my fingertips at the end of my rope.  We got our confirmation, in a rather heartless phone call from our then-program coordinator two weeks ago that we had not been matched and a match was not looking good at the time because of our medical conditions.  I had to call doctors, get letters, new photos and hope that something will strike a social worker’s heart that we are not bad people.  And now I’m left in limbo, waiting for this package to be sent out from our agency and for ICAB to get it and for someone to care.  I’m pissed off because – well, because of that, I have no hope for a referral this month, and I have no hope for a referral next month.  Considering the time it takes after matching for the referral paperwork to come through, quite frankly, I have no hope of seeing a referral until maybe the three year mark.  And yes, I am pissed off.  To boot, Christmas was unleashed yesterday everywhere I looked, and I have officially landed in the miserable zone for the next two months.

Yes, I can say another month is past, but I sure can’t say I feel another month closer at this point.